Save? Closure? Quick kick?

"Closers" are to baseball what Hungarian-born, soccer-style field goal kickers were to football. In other words, not much.

Just let one of today's bullpen guys try to explain to Old Hoss Radbourn (above) about their one-inning "heroics" and closures. Hoss would turn over in his grave and probably have a nice puke while he was at it.

And there's no need for the one-inning guy to show off his gold chain to Old Hoss, either, because Hoss would likely just pulverize it into a lipful of snuff. And don't even get me and Hoss started on these starting "pitchers" who can't even get through nine innings, due to a chipped nail or a run in their hose . . .

As for field goal kickers, why not just go ahead and punt the damn thing? Better yet, why not quick kick as old Bud Wilkinson would have ordered way down yonder at OU? Points for a field goal? Are you kidding Old Hoss? No more points for field goals. No more field goals period.

Now go and explore Old Hoss Radbourn's career figures for complete games.

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